My Blog

Once again, I’m „getting drunk“ with music, drowning in tunes and beats and lyrics, miracously taken on a journey in spheres where the petty problems of todays world seem to be not important anymore…
While I’m in this state, I’m thinking about my life and how satisfied I am with it at the moment. I guess I can’t complain, I have some choices at hand right now and the few things that bother me are things that I can’t really influence, so it’ll be a good lesson in patience…the one thing though, that I haven’t been paying too much attention to lately, is the search for a person, with whom I could share such moments like the one I describe above:

The perfect soulmate

Nowadays, it seems to be easy to enter ones life, at least at a very superficial way…with all those social networks and the trend to exhibit every single detail of your private life to the rest of the world(may they be interested or not), it’s not very hard to “see” things from others and get a first impression. What’s harder though is to differ and to be more precise about the way you judge a person. In many cases, a simple look at their pictures, their posture and the empty “yada yada” they put in their self descriptions gives you a good image and helps you to find out whether or not you want to get this person better or not and whether or not you might be compatible. Also, in some cases, there might be a lot of informations, but it’s written in a certain way or style and it might attract you or turn you off.
After all, it can’t be more than a door opener though. Nothing can replace real life experience and a real life meeting. But the world wide web can save you time(or it can “eat up” most of it) by helping you to make your choice.

I think everyone of us is trying to find someone to share moments in his life with(or even all of his life), but we’re not all alike in our search. Some people only want to find a certain kind of friends, friends who’ll “comfort” you and say yes and amen to everything you say. Well, if that works for those people, who am I to blame them? Some other people are trying to find more “depth” in the inner-human relation and they might probably suffer a harder time, trying to find people with that certain amount of depth. I know I do.
If you’d ask me what kind of person I’m looking for, it would be a lot of characteristicas I’d have to name.
First of all, I’m not really that interested in the look of a person, at least not in the first place. In my opinion, looks are strongly influenced by your persona and if you suck as a human being, I don’t care who calls you gorgeous, I probably won’t ever do that and I’d probably never end up spending time with you(unless it’s some sort of research or field study maybe).
Then again, I can’t say that looks can’t add some attraction. The look I’d go for is rather gloomy and melancholical, with a strong aura…the type of person that prefers to be alone, rather than to waste time with shallow people who have nothing in common with that person and vice versa…a person with a creative mind, that emits coolness…black hair might come in handy, but I could picture such a person with blonde hair too, or maybe brown…
Most certainly, I’m NOT into some stupid emo kid, I don’t like those “trend slaves” who don’t even know what they’re moping about. They’re rather an insult to all those people who really suffer from things like depressions or border line syndroms.
It should be a very rational person that tends to follow rather rational thinking than emotions, while knowing when it’s in place to feel and live emotions too. A person that can be a leader, a determined person that always has a plan for his/her life and that can cope with any changes on its way to get there.
It also should be a person who has a certain cultural interest. I’ve met many people lately who have no interest in literature or art or anything like that. Sometimes, it’s even worse and the person is trying to tell me, that movies with Lindsay Lohan are art or that the book “chickensoup for the soul” is a masterpiece of literature…gosh, you people should really be ashamed of yourself! Bad enough that you seem to have no good taste, I could still tolerate that…but do you have to insult people with a different taste?
Or those people who told me “I don’t read, it gives me a headache/gives me wrinkles”…I really had to control myself not to slap them silly with a book:S!
While we’re at it: I am a huge movie fan! Movies and music and tv series are some of the basics in my life and a potential soulmate should have the same basics or should be able to totally understand my true love for those three things. I’d probably choose my dvd collection over most people on earth at any time, so you’d have to understand why I feel this way and it would be perfect, if you feel the same way.
I’m a fan of witty, sarcastic or even cynical humour. For me, it’s a lot of fun to use word games or puns and I feel challenged if movies/series are full of parodies or call backs…

Another thing that I’m looking for in a potential soulmate is an understanding for romance and romantic situations. Now I know that romance is something that everyone will define differently, so I should state my definition of it:
A romantic situation for me can be:
-a ride in a car at night, looking out of the window into the night, while listening to some melancholical music
-laying on your back at the beach/on a meadow, watching the stars and embracing the universe(if maybe not physical, at least with your heart and soul).
-enjoying the sound of the wind at night while you’re in the middle of an area that’s busy during the day, but that offers nocturnal peace and a calm atmosphere

Those are just examples, I hope though, that they can show what kind of romance I’m talking about.
To be my soulmate, you don’t have to tell me that you love me or to actually love me…love, hate, to like someone or to dislike…these things will come and go and they’re just words anyhoo, unless you fill them with life…but to do so, you have to prove it with your actions and that makes the words sort of obsolete anyway…Just don’t ever rush things, it’s easy to say something, but not easy to take it back…so make sure you mean it, if you say something.
I guess that would describe what kind of person I’m trying to find, so I could say “this is my perfect soulmate”. I am well aware of the fact, that I might never be able to find a person that can fulfill 100% of my hopes and wishes…but who knows, maybe that’s part of the whole idea? Maybe I need some dreams to be unfulfilled, in order to keep at least this hope(after withdrawing others, once I was forced to face reality). I’ll have to wait and see…

“Hey Florian, how’s your girlfriend” or “Hey Florian, I heard you have a girlfriend now” is what I had to hear quite often lately…statements that are, no doubt, made from blind people who love to assume or jump in conclusions…Well, either that, or it’s a really cheap way to find out whether or not I’m in a relationship(although people would only have to read my profile properly to find out about that).
Usually, I react with a mix out of “being upset” and “being frustrated” on these questions. It feels like, just because most people usually jump from one “relationship” to another, they except me to be just the same way. Well, those people obviously don’t know me one bit.
I mean, is it wrong to have high standards and to be picky? I heard from a lot of people that they think it would make me cocky or that I’d always be single then, if I have high standards or if I expect certain standards to be met…now what the heck?
First of all, why would it be of your concern whether or not I’m single or alone? Did it ever cross your mind that not everyone wants to live life the way you do? Did it ever dawn to you people, that maybe you are not the center of the world and that not everything you say or think has to be worlds only truth and therefore, you are NOT perfect, nor is your opinion the guideline for the rest of the world? Or that maybe the majority isn’t always right, just because they’re more numerous than the minority?
Yes, I am a picky person…call me cocky then, if that’s what you think, but I think it’s not cocky at all to have high standards if you try to find a person you want to spend the rest of your life with(that’s at least what I want, I have my honest doubt if that’s what those people want, who think they’re in love after the first date or maybe the first three dates). Even if that would make me cocky…does being cocky have to be something negative then? I prefer being like this at anytime if the alternative is, that I’d have obviously no pride or dignity whatsoever. And that’s what I see from other people, if you ask me.
I’m more or less single since May 2007. But hey, that’s ok for me and it’s also because I decided that the right girl just hasn’t crossed my path yet…sure, some persons were promising, but it takes time(and you SHOULD take that time) to find out how compatible you really are. I learned from my past relationships that I should rather rely on rational thinking and NOT on stupid emotions who’d just blind me anyway, “drug” me into false conclusions and would lead to glorification. I heard from a lot of people that you have to learn from your experiences and that you should use them in order to avoid to make the same mistakes in the future…yet, I can’t see that those people would stick with their own propagated rules…on the contrary, the exact same persons always find loopholes to tell me why exactly this guy or this girl is the exception from the rule. Talking about self delusion;)…
It just upsets me more and more how those people are trying to indoctrinate me with their hypocritical blabber…they would be right about it basically, but c’mon, how can I take people for serious who don’t follow their own rules? “Practise what you preach!“ is all I can say about that.
And yet another thing…each time I talked to a girl who’s just been at the end of a relationship or who’s just been left behind or broke up with her boyfriend, the girl told me that she will learn her lesson from this and she won’t use her emotion only this time and that she’ll be patient and cautious to find a better guy next time…one to three weeks later, 99% of those girls are already in a new relationship(I know some who even got engaged after the first month or so). What the f**k? And you people think you can indoctrinate me?
I have no idea how mature I am or how to measure maturity, I think it’s another relative thing and it depends on each and everyones single definition of it…but c’mon, shouldn’t girls, who always brag so much about how “mature” and “superior” they are and what good choices they make be more self critical and especially less delusional? It’s not even like I think they couldn’t know about this…but they WANT to keep their eyes closed and blind out reality…
Dear girls…if you want to be like that, ok…but could you please STOP blaming other people for their lifestyle, just because you envy us subconsciously? And could you please be or at least act more adult and stop being so damn moody?
Cause that’s the other side of the medal…girls, who are just back on the market tend to give hope to everyone very quickly, almost as if they’re too desperate they could still be single by the end of the week…they don’t seem to consider what harm they might do or what hopes they might raise…and that guys, who are pretty much the same like they are could be seriously hurt or disappointed, because they got their hopes up all high and whatnot? I know that girls demand this from me and other guys non stop, so how come they don’t have to play by the same rules? Not fair, if you ask me…
I mean, what are you doing this for anyway? I’ve seen it just way too often, girls getting their hopes up high, rushing from relationship to relationship…and for what? For “love”? Love’s NOT divine! It’s not magic or a myth or whatever you think it is! It’s a simple chemical reaction in your brain and I’m sure if you’d talk to some narcs, they might tell you that some drugs might have just the same effect on you…and same like drug users, people who make love into something “divine” seem to be ready to suffer much more than they benefit from “love”. They put theirself in any hardship to get a feeling and the time they suffer cause of that hardship is like 75-90% of their time, while the “love” feeling is usually only like 10-25% of the time(if not less, it depends how “short” your “relationship” will be, the shorter, the more “good” feeling you will have).
I’m not saying that I don’t believe in love(some people said that that’s the impression they got from me lately), I’m just saying that love’s not divine and I don’t believe in romantic love. I mean, let’s face it…love’s not so different from feelings like thirst, hunger or pain…a feeling that will not last forever…for some, it might last longer, for some it might last shorter…but all in all, it’s a feeling that’ll fade…and once that happened, it depends on how good a choice you made and how compatible you really are, cos that’s when rational things show that they matter and not emotions…