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It was the 24th of August,Friday,I’ve been at Soekarno Hatta International,waiting for my flight to Singapore,Changi-Airport.I came to SKI around 1pm,but then I had to wait until pm for my departure…I am glad to say that I had a nice companion and together,we ate a hell of a lot of donuts:P
Around 9.30pm,I went inside and started my trip to Singapore.Flying with Garuda Airlines,the first time I used an Asian Airline…reading their magazine made me wonder about an investment into this Airline,but seeing that they’ve to struggle with a lot of debts and need a lot of governal support,made me think twice…They had the same security advices like all Airlines…gosh,how I hate that!It’s like making fun of people!Don’t tell me that people would stay calm in case of an emergency?Just watch what happens if there’s a special offer at Carrefour,Walmart or ALDI and you’ll see that people give a shit about others and always try to save themself first!I was tempted to ask the stewardess what kind of position I should use to break my neck ASAP in the case of an emergency,cos I think that’d be much nicer than to see how a bunch of morons who are afraid to die or like their life run around like crazy…but I guess that would have seemed a bit too "dark" for the normal people…so I kept it for myself…
At Changi,I took a look around,nothing had changed since my last stay there…I saw a lot more German than I thought,beside that,it was an airport like so many others…
I was supposed to be picked up by my so called "friend" Hayley(or whatever her fuckin real name is),but that *** just didn’t appear…sending her many sms wasn’t easy either,since I didn’t have much credit…this retard told me that she didn’t know about my coming and that I should just take a cab to Woodlands…who the hell is she?But well,I am an idiot,I changed money and got a cab,even if it was just to go there and kick her ass(that’s at least what I told myself)…I arrived there around 2-30am in the morning…waiting…waiting…only me and the cockroaches who were waiting there…Thx god,Sabreena,my best friend,got my message that I had sent her the afternoon before…I could tell her where I am and then she said she’ll come to save me.While waiting,suddenly Hayley appeared…I don’t know,I expected at least a sorry,but all I got was a very unfriendly hi and the explanation that she fell asleep and that I didn’t wait too long(1 hour isnt long??).I was really fucking angry and I think it was the very first time since ever,that I felt like slapping someone’s face!
Well,I told her that I’m waiting for my friend now,since my friend knows how to keep an appointment…she seemed not to understand anything about that,egobrain that she is…but well,who cares…Sabreena came and we had a tricky situation…we went to McDonalds(what else should we do at 3.30 in the morning;)?)and talked there until 7am…just to see what kind of rasistic,xenophobic and selfish person Hayley is…I don’t know exactly what she thinks she is,maybe she thinks her look makes her superior?Well,if that’s the point,then not sorry to say so,I think she should reconsider her life then,cause I’ve seen lots of girls who look much better(even I am sorry to say that most Singaporean girls I’ve seen look kinda weird:S)
It was fucking early in the morning,my luggage was still with Hayley,so I decided to sleep there and make a new plan after I woke up…I went with her after talking to Sabreena and aft er Hayley came cause she was waiting on me,quite a weird scene,since she didn’t even have the guts to go to me and Sabreena straightly,but she had to hide behind a pillar.Well,I went with her(just to hear that I’d be HERS and that this girl(Sabreena)would be so weird and after me…)and we went into her flat…of course not without warning me that I should NEVER tell that girl(Sabreena)where she lives…
Hmm,I was too tired to fight,so I said ok…Before I slept on her bed(thx god it was big enough to keep distance),she talked a lot about her,gosh,she seemed really very unconfident in that moment,it was like her mask dropped,but she didn’t realize it or tried to hide it,but failed…I felt like I’m in a bad C-Movie and especially when she said:"Trust me,I know that,I AM A WOMAN" I had to control myself not to laugh out loud:D.Gee,is she Cleopatra or what?But Cleopatra probably didn’t wear so much make-up or had this chubby look?
After waking up,she told me to wait with her family,she has to work and will be back around 10 pm.I was acting nicely,nodded,put a fake smile on my face and said:"Of course I’ll wait:)!"(What else should I do,I mean,thx god I can’t sit around at home,I need to go all the way to Singapore to do so,right;)?).
So after she left,I talked a bit with her family…all very nice people,I liked her brothers and her cousin was really cute:).I felt sorry for them,since I know she doesn’t like them and doesn’t care for them and I still feel bad that I kinda sneaked out of the flat,cos her family didn’t do any mistake,it’s only hers…

Well,Sabreena came to save me and so I had to,I mean,I just left the house,saying that I’d just take care of my luggage and come back,but I never showed up there again.We took a cab and went to a food place to get some es kacang with sweet corn.We finally had the chance to have more of a conversation than we had before.

We decided to go to Sabreenas’ place and I finally got the chance to meet the rest of her family:).I was very eager to meet especially her dad and he was really as nice as I thought,just a bit more nicer:P.

We had a conversation about video games and while drinking milk tea,we started to play some x-box games together…it was kinda fun,since I really enjoyed doing this with someone who didn’t think it’s not adolescent enough to do so,in fact,he kinda combined the intelligence or maturity of an adult with the energy of a kid and that made him quite a good player,I’d say:).

We played for like 3 or 4 hours,meanwhile Sabreena and her sister joined sometimes(although I’ve to admit,I didn’t even know for sure who’s who for a while:D).

Around 8pm,we went out and took the monorail(MRT?)to get to the area called "Boat Quay",with the highest sky scrapers and a long food mile near the river.It was already dark outside and I enjoyed seeing that Singapore is kinda similar to Germany…actually,that also disappointed me,cos I don’t like Germany,but it was also a bit of a release,cos now I know that I didn’t miss something cos I’ve been there for only 2 days.

We went for some food,you had many of those seafood places near the river,with kinda annoying waiters who tried to convince you that you’re hungry for this or that kind of food(like in Indo,but they’re a bit more pushy there),but since i had lots of Indo and Chinese food before,I wasn’t really too eager to try that one.So we went to this place were some Pakis or Indians(?) sold something that reminded me a bit of Pempek…check out the Mockumentary to see what I mean;)

After dinner,we still strolled around and sat on a bench in front of the restaurant where we should spent the nite later(what we didn’t know at that time of course).We talked about a lot of things,we talked about philosophical things,about plain and simple things,about important and not so important stuff…

I think we both got into a kinda mellow mood:’(…the typical rollercoaster of emotions I think…

We talked till 1 am and I think we both didn’t really communicate about where to stay,even we talked a lot:D!Cos we still roamed around,not knowing where we’re going…We went to Starbucks(which was closed of course,it was around 1am)and sat there,started to watch movies on Sabreenas laptop,we thought about sleeping there,but it was a bit too near to everything,so we left from there,still roaming around,thinking about finding a hotel.

We took the bus and found us in another section of the city,maybe a few hours later…and had to find back to Boat Quay again,it was kinda an odyssey…Due to a lack of money and since the only hotels we found had names like Hilton,Ritz or Marriott,it was kinda more tempting to roam around all nite,rather than wasting lots of money for the few hours we got left till sunrise.

So we ended up in the same place where we sat hours before,just that this time,the restaurant was abandoned and they had those tempting and seductive looking couches…to make a long story short,we did something that might be illegal,but hell,we were just so freaking tired so we slept on those couches…they were a gift from god,we think:).

I woke up around 8.30 am cos my companion found a way to wake me(kudos for that!),with a nice red pattern on my cheek,due to the handbag on which I had rested all nite:P.Sabreena found some delicious tea tarek and some instant noddles with prawns,we had a kinda hearty yuppie breakfast(that’s what I’d call it;).To make the whole thing perfect,it seemed that a group of Japanese(?) tourists was near me when I woke up-gee,what a clown I am:P

Well,what can I say?We continued talking,talked about movies and how much we see them as art…talked about our deepest emotions and fears…kinda everything,I think?And we decided to see lil India,I still tried to find a present for my family.

So we used the MRT again and made some nice shots in the subway area,taking shots of me,going up and down the escalators,of me,speaking bahasa in front of the cam(gosh,what a humiliation,if I came to think of it:P)…hmm,now that I think of it,it seems that the cam was mostly pointed into my direction?Gee,how do I deserve such honor?Well,just for the record,I think I wasn’t aware of that when I "acted",so don’t blame me pls:P

We ended our journey for that day when we went back to Sabreenas place and I talked again to her father,learned something about the history of the city and had to leave the airport then:(.

Well,what can I say…airports are airports,they’re kinda the same everywhere I guess…the only difference is that usually,I got a wallet when I’m at the airport…yupe,you’re right,I left it at Sabreenas place…gee,I am really not good with my memory:(

Well,what to do now?There were only 40 minutes left till departure time…we decided to send the wallet by post and Sabreena lended me some money for the visa in Jakarta so i could leave Soekarno-Hatta without any harrassment.But hmm,seems wherever I am,I always cause trouble or at least don’t do things like normal people…should I be proud of this or ashamed:D?I think proud:D

I entered the plane and left the country around 9 pm…still in time,yet I was running cos I thought I’d miss the plane,well,it’s always the same,I shouldn’t rely too much on my guessing:P.

It was a good feeling though being back in Jakarta…I felt like I live there and came back to my home…I was remembering the plates in Singapore’s airport,saying"Welcome home,guys",or something like that.And I had someone to pick me up who was really happy to do so:).That made me feel more happy about this:).

Hmm,what can I say about my trip to Singapore?
I think it started horrable,but it ended very nice(except for the wallet):).I am glad that I had the chance to actually meet Sabreena and it proved me once again that if you’ve a lil knowledge of human nature,you’ll get along with someone with whom you get along on the chat.
Singapore 2007-a good time

Back again!Life is all about learning,and I learned A LOT in the last 3 weeks!My worst fears seem to become true now…
Why do some people think that life is so plain and simple?That you could categorize everything in it just into black n’ white?That you can judge a book just by it’s cover(that’s not just about the physical appeareance!)…
People lie!I do it,you do it,everybody does it!But why do we lie?I think it’s cause deep inside,we’re all very,very egoistic and selfish!Humans and mankind seem to be naturally trained to think of themself and their own benefit first…and I think that’s about EVERYTHING in life!No matter how much we try to lie to ourself and make us believe that we would do things cause we’re nice and generous and we’d do them for others-BULLSHIT!We do them for nobody but OURSELF!!!
If I see the last weeks…how everything I’ve been fighting for,suffered for,cried for,just gets blown away from the wind into the arms of someone else,who doesn’t deserve that AT ALL(selfishness speaking?),isn’t that "great"?It makes me very angry!
For me,everything feels quite hope- and useless now…I have a inability to feel anything anymore,I became emotionally numb.And some jerks even have the guts to tell me that this would be great!While some others congratulate me for something that isn’t as nice as it seems…why are people so simpleminded?I think it’s cause they see EVERYTHING just from their OWN point of view and emphasize it to the worlds one and only truth,the one and only definition about the given topic…so what should we do now,pity them or hate them?Ignore them?But if yes,how?They’re EVERYWHERE!!!
Life is really shit!It’s boring and repeats,it’s mostly pain or other feelings which aren’t nice…the so called things that are supposed to make a life better are all quite overestimated,e.g. food,sex or love…food,there are some varities,but in the end,it’s all just about taste and the same taste will show up again and again sooner or later…sex?hahaha,sex is the most darn overestimated thing I know!Whoever thinks that sex is really fun or whatever,well,I pity you people,you are really shallow and trivial,congratulations!And love?What the heck is love anyhow?I don’t know it anymore and I think I ever did/will.
I am really pissed off,all I did,all I ever wanted,it’s all gone,all my hopes,stolen,all my plans,ruined…sometimes I wish I could just lie to myself and illusionate me…but even for that,I’d be blamed or accused,like it always happened!Why the hell is it other peoples business?It’s MY fantasy!!!!!I need it to struggle and survive in this freaking world!!!But thx to all of you,now I don’t even know how to do that anymore…all my nicest plans and illusions are broken into a billion pieces,shattered on the ground…all the things that are left is my beloved sarcasm and cynism,but hell,I am not Nietzsche yet,quite too far away from the stage of nihilism…so what am I supposed to do now?I think and think(I think I think too much,but how to stop??)but I can’t find the answer…and I won’t listen to the others anymore,cause they know zip,they don’t know what most of my problems are about…hell ya,I sound so cocky and arrogant,but it’s a darn fact that my problems are maybe the same like those of others,but I’ve this strange way of thinking,I can’t even understand myself sometimes(or hardly),how would others understand it then?
I wish they’d all drop dead and go to fucking hell!!!
Gee,I really changed…where’s the nice naive lil boy who didn’t think anything bad or did anything bad?He’s dead I guess,he died on the battlefield of mindwars,betraying and backstabbing…Screw you people,I want him BACK!!!
I really hate my life…but not as much as I start to hate certain people who made me become like this…and they’ll be surprised what I’m gonna do in the near future,I think it won’t be too much Mister nice guy anymore…

It’s a game…it’s highly addictive…be aware of this!
It’s about the demystification of a myth…the myth of a superior gender,who made this myth,probably for protection,but leads itself ad absurdum if it becomes part of the game.
The game…the rules are simple…all that you need is a few background informations, knowledge of human nature and,as simple as it might sound, a few well chosen words.
The rules?You can make your own rules,everything is ok as long as you keep in mind that it’s a game.Don’t let yourself be involved too deep,or you’ll end up miserable,like your counterpart.
So what’s the big deal about the game?Where’s its fascination?
Maybe it’s really the fact to see how easily a few words, a certain appearance and a certain reputation can give you such a power?But it’s highly addictive!This game is like a curse and blessing in the same time!You can play it with as much players as you can handle and you can chose the difficulty and how challenging it should be!The aim is to collect as many hopes as you can get.The better you are,the longer it’ll take.
But who knows about the long term results of this game?
About things like bad karma?About things like luck and bad luck?Is it a vicious circle?Yes and no,cos actually,you can just stop the game whenever you want,you don’t even have to start it.But once you started it,can you really stop it again that easily?That’s a tricky question and if you don’t know how to handle yourself and don’t stay alert,you’ll become a figure in this game sooner than you’d ever want!
So try to figure out about what kind of game I’m talking…and decide by yourself if you like this game and if you want to participate or not.There’s nothing to win(material),but much to lose…yet it’s really too tempting to resist,at least to me…